February 14, 2016

It's Dark in Here

This post is dedicated to my daddy...

Dear Mom,

You won't believe what I've been through.  It's crazy in here.  Lots of noises and sloshing.  Sometimes it's really dark and other times there is this bright light that makes me squeeze my eyes shut.

I hear you talking and singing and I realize you have the most lovely voice.  I can't wait to see your face and look into your eyes as you sing to me.

I hear other voices too.  One is really rumbly sounding.  And at times, it gets very loud, like shouting.  It's my daddy's voice.  He sounds like someone I can trust, but also someone who loves adventure.

There are other voices.  One is very quiet and soft, almost like whispering.  Sometimes I hear him making another loud racket.  I'm not sure what he's doing, but it sounds like he's having a good time and seems to really enjoy whatever he's doing.

There is another voice that seems to sing all day long.  She's very loud and chatty.   She seems happy and is always having fun.

Even though I haven't met these voices, I love them.  I listen for them and smile or sigh contentedly when I hear them.

At times, these voices talk to ME.  I can tell because they call my name, and I feel very loved and secure hearing that they are all waiting for me to arrive.

There used to be lots of room in here.  I could do flips and roll and kick and stretch as much as I wanted.  Now, it's getting harder to move.  Sometimes I just feel like stretching my legs out as far as they will go.  And it seems you like it, because you rub against my foot, letting me know you can feel me too.

I also can feel hot and cold.  Hot is nice.  It makes me feel snuggly and relaxed.  Cold is awful!  I do not like cold at all.  It makes me stretch and kick, trying to warm up.  I don't know what is causing this, but wish you would do something about it.

I have to admit, it's pretty nice here in the dark.  It's cozy, feels warm (most of the time!), and safe.  But, I'm also very curious as to what you and the other voices look like.  I'm not exactly sure how to get out of here, in order to meet you, but I'm working on a plan.  It's hard to explain, and I'm still working out a few details, but I'm almost ready to put this plan into action.  I hope you're as ready to meet me as I am to meet you.

Well, I should go.  It's about time for me to sleep again.  I hope you are resting well.  Once I arrive, I will be anxious to learn more about you.  I plan on spending as much time as possible learning as much as I can, as quickly as I can.  It's going to be exhausting and an around the clock job, but I'm trying to rest and prepare myself for this as best I can.  See you soon!

Much Love from the Dark,

Your Baby


The Waiting Room

No, this post is NOT taking place with me sitting in a waiting room or hospital bed...

The closer I get to meeting our new baby girl, the more reflecting I am doing.  Since there is not much more I actually CAN do, thinking seems to be the safest and easiest for me to manage.

Today is Valentine's Day!!  I actually dreamed I went into labor on Valentine's Day, so in the back of my brain, it's a possibility...  Haha!!  Anxious much?  Nah...

Really, the thing that I've been thinking on most is how MANY things in our life is a series of waiting games.  Hoping.  Praying.  Believing.  Trusting.  In fact, there are very FEW things that give immediate answers or satisfaction.  Chocolate being one of the few things that satisfies immediately, although briefly.

The thing with waiting is...it can get boring.  Tedious.  Stressful.  Nerve-wracking.  This is especially true if you aren't sure what you are waiting on.  For instance, our baby girl, what will she REALLY look like?  Will she have red hair?  Will she be a "good baby"?  Will she sleep through the night quickly?  Will she go to college?  These are not things I am worried about, just things I'm waiting to find out.

So, what's the purpose of waiting?  Is it God's way of teaching patience?  Grace?  Perhaps.  I truly believe it's God's way of positioning the best possible outcome.  The perfect plan for us.  And, He includes roadblocks, obstacles, trials and frustrations along the way too.  And, His perfect plan is perfect to Him for us, not necessarily our idea of perfect.

As humans, this is very hard to accept sometimes.  We feel that the perfect will of God should be all sunshine and rainbows, huge flashing neon signs and absolutely clear and focused direction from God.   And often, it is.  But sometimes, He asks us to wade through some tough stuff.  Our emotions get trampled.  Our hearts get broken.  We feel disconnected, lost and abandoned.  But, the reality is, He's never left.  He is still guiding and He is STILL in control.  Who do you think brought the fog?  Who do you think brought the heartache?  Does He ENJOY our dilemma?  No.  But in His wise way, it is yet another opportunity to trust Him.  To turn to Him.  To depend on Him.

While we wait, we should make sure that we stay in the waiting room.  Even if it means sitting in the dark.  Once our name is called, we should be ready to walk through the doors and receive the answer He has for us.

Abandon the waiting room...and you abandon the blessing, the miracle, the answer.

Waiting rooms are seldom fun.  Out of date magazines, screaming toddlers, cold and uncomfortable plastic chairs...but oh, the feeling when your name is called...  Somehow, all the unpleasant parts of waiting just seem to slip away as you stand up, look forward, walk through that door and into the thing you've been waiting ever so patiently for.